


I’ve prepared for every outcome. Except the one where you love me.

by ohmoka



Category: SK8 the Infinity (Anime)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Canon Compliant, Feelings Realization, Friends to Lovers, Heartache, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentioned Shindo Ainosuke | Adam, Pining, Temporarily Unrequited Love, ep9 spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-18 20:27:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29988381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohmoka/pseuds/ohmoka
Summary: Time has an odd way of flying by when Kojiro isn’t looking. When he’s not busy with culinary school, he’s skating. When he’s not skating, he’s working out, and, when he’s not working out, he’s thinking about Kaoru.Or, the one where Joe has been pining for Cherry for years, and Cherry finally notices.(Ep.9 Spoilers!)
Relationships: Nanjo Kojiro | Joe/Sakurayashiki Kaoru | Cherry Blossom
Comments: 14
Kudos: 91





	I’ve prepared for every outcome. Except the one where you love me.

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter one is pre-canon through ep9 from Joe's POV. Chapter two will be Cherry's POV, post ep9. 
> 
> Hi, I'm in matcha blossom hell and a massive Joe simp.

Kojiro always finds Kaoru back at _that_ place. _Their place._

On the days when it’s hard to pull a smile from his proud lips, he always ends up there, wistfully watching the sunset while the water lapped at the pier, his expression like a book Kojiro couldn't read, no matter how often he studies its language. 

Today is no different. 

Backlit by the setting sun, Kaoru leans against the rail, hair loose and flowing in the breeze. His lips turn down at the corners, and his shoulders hunch, his arms crossed over his chest and his delicate fingers tucked beneath them. 

Kojiro balances himself on his bike’s handlebars. Despite the tightness in his chest, he can’t help the grin that splits his face when Kaoru’s penetrating gaze meets his. Kaoru has always been able to elicit reactions like that from Kojiro. 

_Back then, and now._

_Before Ainosuke, and after him._

The fleetingly fond thought sours, but Kojiro’s grin doesn’t falter. For Kaoru, he always has a smile, even on days like this. 

“Thought I’d find ya here.” Kojiro smirks, cocking his head and biting his lip. 

He thinks he sees Kaoru’s eyes flicker to his mouth, but it’s probably wishful thinking that plants that idea in his ‘dimwit’ brain. 

“Thought you’d _stalk_ me, more like,” Kaoru returns, voice curt. “Feebleminded gorillas should know when to leave others alone.” 

“Hey, now.” Kojiro pushes off his handlebars to glare at Kaoru properly, squaring his broad shoulders as if he has any intention of getting off his bike. “What’s biting your ass? I never said I was here to start shit. Don’t assume.” 

“You didn’t have to. You’re a simpleton; I can easily calculate what’s going on in your primitive brain.” 

Kojiro snorts, tossing his head back with a laugh that only serves to further annoy Kaoru. 

“Don’t laugh at me, idiot!” Kaoru straightens, fists clenched at his sides. “Why did you come here?” 

Settling back in his seat, Kojiro looks at his hands, examining the faded scars from years of bails and the fresher pink lines from culinary school. He sighs before looking back at Kaoru. 

His gaze skims over Kaoru’s lower lip, devoid of the piercing he’d sported throughout their school years. When did Kaoru become so serious? Kojiro had blinked and missed it. Or maybe, in his own hurt over, he’d overlooked the little things. 

This realization stings more than he cares to admit. He also can’t help but think the recent change is somehow related to Ainosuke. There were a lot of things that Kojiro had liked about Kaoru—a lot of things Ainosuke had pretended to like, too. And now, Kaoru has changed before Kojiro’s eyes. 

Was it time to grow up? Were they too old to play like boys? 

Or were the subtle changes in Kaoru a result of the rift Ainosuke had chiseled between them? 

Swallowing a growl, Kojiro dismounts his bike and joins Kaoru by the rail. 

“I miss it.” For a moment, he thinks he may have spoken too softly because Kaoru doesn’t respond, but then he sees the hurt in his friend’s eyes that only _Ainosuke_ causes. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Kaoru lies, proud as ever. 

“He’s a total ass,” Kojiro says, “but...I miss him. It’s hard not to.” 

He admits it because it’s the truth, but, more than that, he says it because he knows Kaoru can’t. So he confesses the vulnerability for the both of them. That way, with any luck, Kaoru will know he’s not alone. 

Still, Kojiro knows the way he misses Ainosuke isn’t the same. He’d loved the asshole like a brother. Kaoru had loved him in another way. 

_Had loved him in a way that made Kojiro burn inside like a dying star—because it was the same way he loved Kaoru._

The same way he still loves Kaoru, even now. 

“That’s pathetic,” Kaoru replies. His voice comes out small and holds no heat. Kojiro understands. Some pain can’t be bandaged. This pain is one of those. 

“Yeah, well.” Kojiro shrugs and bumps Kaoru’s shoulder. “Guess that doesn’t surprise you, huh?” 

Kaoru huffs but doesn’t respond. Kojiro frowns, his heart sinking enough to kill his casual facade. Facing the water, he watches the sun begin to dip below the horizon. 

It’s been a year since Ainosuke cut ties with them and left, but his presence lingers, haunting the pair as though he’d never turned his back on them—as though he hadn’t broken Kaoru’s heart and scorned Kojiro’s friendship. 

The evening’s balmy breeze begins to chill, and Kojiro notices when Kaoru shivers. _That_ is one problem he can fix—unlike mending his friend’s broken heart. 

“Hey, four-eyes, ramen?” 

“Tch. As if I’d be seen in public with a muscle-brain gorilla like you.” Kaoru sniffs, lips pursed. 

“So my place, then? I’ll make it from scratch.” 

“I’ve got nothing better to do.” 

* * *

Time has an odd way of flying by when Kojiro isn’t looking. When he’s not busy with culinary school, he’s skating. When he’s not skating, he’s working out, and, when he’s not working out, he’s thinking about Kaoru. Even so, it takes Kaoru reaching out to Kojiro _unprompted_ for him to realize that, maybe, time can heal old wounds. 

It’s an exceptionally beautiful day, warmed by splendid summer sun, and Kojiro has nowhere to be other than with Kaoru. So he forgoes his bike and skates to the cafe where Kaoru is waiting. 

Shirt billowing in his wake, Kojiro skates with his soul, carefree and bursting at the seams with excitement. It’s a good day. No, _a great day._

And he’s gonna spend it with Kaoru, probably drinking pretentious, overpriced coffee. 

He finds Kaoru sitting outside a quaint cafe sipping a latte and hidden under an elegant parasol. 

“You a girl or something?” Kojiro snorts out before he can think better of it. 

“If I was, maybe we’d get along better,” Kaoru responds with a surprising amount of humor in his voice. 

In his awe, Kojiro forgets to order anything, sitting down across from Kaoru, mouth agape and mind empty. 

Kaoru raises a perfectly manicured pink eyebrow and smirks before taking another sip from his cup. 

Kojiro can’t stop staring. There’s something different about Kaoru. Something lighter and brighter. A visible weight that’s been lifted from his shoulders. 

His hair is pulled back in a loose braid, and strands of pink frame his face. A pair of glasses Kojiro hasn’t seen before perch on his nose. He looks good. Really good. 

“What are you looking at, gorilla?” Kaoru probes, a wicked glint in his eyes. “Don’t tell me you’re imagining what I’d look like as a girl. That’s tasteless, _even for you.”_

“Aww, really?” Kojiro jokes, finding his words. He pointedly ignores the heat that creeps into his cheeks. “But you’d be so much more tolerable that way.” 

“Then I’m glad there’s no chance of such a thing happening,” Kaoru laughs, the sound angelic to Kojiro. “I’d loath to be tolerated by the likes of you.” 

“Ha!” Kojiro happily lets Kaoru have the last dig. His heart is getting carried away enough as it is. 

For the first time since Ainosuke left, Kaoru’s eyes shine the way they did back then—before all the long nights filled with tears. 

That glimmer is enough to give Kojiro hope. Not today, but soon, he can confess the secret he’s held dear for years. He can tell Kaoru about how he’s loved him all this while, through thick and thin, long before they’d ever heard the name ‘ADAM.’ 

Like a good dream cut short, Kojiro’s optimism is fleeting. 

He’s about to ask what their occasion for meeting is when Kaoru speaks. 

“ADAM’s back!” Excitement radiates from Kaoru, and he doesn’t try to hide it. Why should he? 

Every inch of him is glowing in the afternoon sun, his cheeks painted pink as he beams at Kojiro. It’s startling to see him so...happy. 

Ice freezes over Kojiro’s heart, and guilt rolls in his stomach. He feels sick. Worse, he’s not sure why. 

He should be happy. _Kaoru is._

That should be enough. It’s not as though Kaoru has ever loved him back, and hadn’t Kojiro just been reflecting on how nice it is to see his friend smile after so many sullen months? What excuse has he for the ugly feeling clawing its way out of his chest and into his throat? 

None. 

_Except jealousy._

Kaoru had been right. Kojiro is pathetic: he can’t even be happy for his friend, the one he claims to love. 

“That’s...great,” Kojiro grits out through a forced smile. “He text you or something?” 

Kaoru’s glow flickers and then dims. “Well, no. He mentioned it on social media, but—” 

“What a jerk.” Kojiro scowls. “So he was serious, then? He’s not gonna call or text? He meant what he said back then? We’re really done…” 

Kojiro balls his fists on the table, glaring daggers through its glass top. The bastard. After everything, he’d really meant it. 

It’s not until Kojiro lifts his head that he realizes he shouldn’t have spoken. Kaoru’s shoulders shake, his parasol trembling in his unsteady hand. With a loud clunk, he sets his cup down and curls his hand so tightly his already pale knuckles turn white. 

Kojiro can’t be imagining the way Kaoru’s eyes redden like he’s about to cry. The wetness in them is real, and it’s all due to Kojiro’s brash words. 

“You never think, do you, you miserable gorilla?” 

Kojiro wishes Kaoru was right. There’s no cure for the maelstrom of thoughts that tumble through his mind upon learning that Ainosuke is back. The most troublesome and selfish thought being he’d been a fool for even hoping Kaoru was over the jerk. 

“Shit, Kaoru. I’m sorry, but he’s—” 

“Don’t.” Kaoru’s voice is ice cold and cuts Kojiro to the bone. “I know we can’t go back to how things were. I don’t even want that anymore. But…” 

Kojiro watches Kaoru forcibly control his emotions, reigning in the little tremors in his body and voice. 

“But,” he starts again, “if he shows up at ‘S,’ I’m going to challenge him.” 

“Huh?” Kojiro’s eyes damn near pop out of his head. Not only is the idea heinous, but it also sends Kojiro’s heart into his throat to join his jealousy. Ainosuke is deranged and absolutely unworthy of Kaoru’s attention 

“As if, scrawny boy.” Kojiro folds his arms over his chest, honey red eyes flashing. _“I’m_ gonna challenge him. He’ll snap you like a twig.” 

“Don’t disrespect me, thoughtless gorilla! I’m challenging him to a beef first. You can get in line.” 

Kaoru’s eyes narrow to dangerous slits, and his fan slides out of his sleeve. He doesn’t wack Kojiro for his comment, though, even if the desire is written across his furrowed brow. 

“I need to see what his heart feels, if it’s even capable of feeling anymore. That’s why...I’ll be the one to challenge him.” 

Kaoru rises from their table, and Kojiro lets him go, too dumbfounded to react. 

* * *

As before, time continues to pass without care to how Kojiro fares. Kaoru gains success as a professional calligrapher. Kojiro opens his very own Italian restaurant. And Ainosuke? There’s no telling what the bastard is up to. Kojiro wouldn't know how to find out if he wanted to, which he really doesn’t—except when it comes to skating. 

At this point, he’s not even sure _why_ he wants to challenge Ainosuke. There’s a part of him that will always miss what they’d had before, but a bigger part of him—a resentful, wounded part of him—wants to prove his old friend wrong. He and Kaoru aren’t beneath ‘ADAM,’ and he wants to remind the jerk as much. 

One rejected beef after another leaves Kaoru more bitter than the wine he fancies at Kojiro’s restaurant, which he now frequents on a near-nightly basis. 

Eventually, though, Kojiro sees Kaoru’s pain start to fade. He’s still caustic and banters with Kojiro every chance he gets, but any talk of challenging Ainosuke disappears from their conversations. 

And again, Kojiro finds himself on the precipice of _hope._

* * *

Things change again when the rookie shows up. 

Namely, Ainosuke steps out of the shadows; ADAM returns to ‘S.’ 

* * *

It’s horrifying watching Ainosuke toy with the kids. He’s more ruthless than ever. It makes Kojiro sick. 

And it fuels his fire to new heights. He understands Kaoru’s need to skate with ADAM. He wants to know if the friend they’d made all those years ago is lost, too—needs to know if there’s anything left of the blue-haired boy who’d been their best friend. 

First Reki. Then Langa. 

_ADAM_ skates against each. 

But he still won’t respond to Kojiro’s and Kaoru’s beefs. 

Not until he’s forced to in his tournament. 

* * *

By a hair, Kojiro loses to Langa. He offers the kid his best advice, but his mind is elsewhere. He’s lost his chance to face Ainosuke, and his blood runs cold when he learns the next beef is between that deranged pervert and Kaoru. 

He needs to see Kaoru before the beef. His gut twists into knots at the thought of missing his friend. The overwhelming urge to grab Kaoru and hold him surges up in Kojiro, but a few choice words will have to suffice—if the driver will hurry up and get him to the top in time. 

Out of breath, Kojiro makes it to Kaoru before the beef starts. 

There are a million things he wants to say to the man, but Kaoru, hearing the vulnerability in Kojiro’s voice, cuts him off before he can say anything too stupid. 

It’s easy to forget their surroundings when Kaoru’s quips dig under his skin. The world around them disappears, and the pair bicker no differently than they would at Kojiro’s restaurant, or anywhere else, for that matter. 

Concern morphs into irritation, which is replaced by amusement as they bat insults back and forth.   
  
But as quickly as Kojiro forgets why he’d raced back to Kaoru, he’s reminded. Ainosuke interjects his presence into the bubble between Kojiro and Kaoru, and Kojiro’s worries wash back over him in waves. 

He and Kaoru are founding members of ‘S.’ They aren’t rivals to be taken lightly. But Ainosuke doesn’t play by the unspoken rules. He’s a beast. 

The beef starts before Kojiro can finish composing his thoughts. He feels hollow as he watches the big screen. There’s nothing he can do but have faith in Kaoru’s abilities. Still, his heart clenches at the sight of Kaoru and Ainosuke skating neck and neck. 

The sight stirs old feelings and new ones. Deep-seated melancholy consumes Kojiro. He can still remember their last beef from _back then,_ can still remember skating wild and free with his best friends: one who he’d admired greatly and the other who he’d never been able to stop loving. 

Woven into the nostalgia is the ever-sharp sting of Ainosuke’s words the day he’d told them he was leaving for America. The way Kaoru had gone deathly still after the bastard had gotten into his car and left them on the pier still haunts Kojiro. It’s not something he’s been able to forget. 

Kaoru isn’t one to allow himself the embarrassment of falling apart publicly, but Kojiro could tell his spirit was crushed in the way his eyes dulled and his lower lip trembled. His eyes had been wet with tears he was too proud to shed. Kojiro wonders if Kaoru remembers those little details. 

He also wonders if Kaoru remembers who’s been there for him all those years, and he hopes with every fiber of his being that this beef will finally put Kaoru’s unresolved feelings to bed, whatever’s left of them. 

Kaoru dodges Ainosuke’s sick love hug, and Kojiro’s old aches are replaced by fresh worry. He knows—and he’s sure Kauro knows as well—that there’s no way Ainosuke uses that move early without having another trick up his garish sleeve. It’s too easy. 

Kojiro’s mind races as he tries to predict Ainosuke’s next move. He’s unpredictable, though. Nothing like Kaoru with his precise calculations and poise. 

It’s this train of thought that’s interrupted when Ainosuke steps off his board. 

Immediately, Kojiro can feel the wrongness of what’s about to happen in the air. It chokes him and freezes him in place. 

When Ainosuke’s board connects with Kaoru’s face, Kojiro feels rage burn through him like a wildfire. He’s too shocked to act, though, let alone react. Beside him, Shadow and Miya grimace in abject horror. The crowd gasps. Kojiro just stares, trapped in the nightmare where the man he loves is laid out in the dirt by their former friend. 

More than the anger, Kojiro feels _for_ Kaoru. Even loving him selfishly, he understands how devastating Ainosuke’s actions are. 

So his heart breaks for Kaoru. His own wounds deepen, too. 

He doesn’t waste time picking up the pieces, though. Kaoru needs him. 

And unlike Ainosuke, Kojiro will never leave Kaoru. So he runs to his friend, and he cradles him in the back of Shadow’s van the whole way to the hospital, desperation mounting as Kaoru fades in and out of consciousness. 

* * *

Of course, Kaoru won’t be corralled. Even as he’s grown uppity with age, he’s still a rule breaker at heart. So it’s only slightly surprising when he wheels through Kojiro’s door and up to the counter. 

He shouldn’t be here, but Kojiro’s glad he came, despite what his scolding might suggest. Being alone now is the last thing either wants, apparently. Kojiro can appreciate that sentiment for what it is, and he lets himself feel warmly for Kaoru. 

Even if he’ll never get the chance to be more than friends with Kaoru, he’ll never stop being his rock. He’s too far gone—too in love—to mind. Kaoru’s happiness is his, and that’s enough. 

Tomorrow, they can worry about Ainosuke and the kids. Tonight, all that matters is that Kaoru is safe, and Kojiro will be there when he wakes up to help him back on his feet. 

They can figure the rest out later. 

Smiling at his sleeping friend, Kojiro downs his wine. With time, they’ll be fine. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!! :3
> 
> Find me here!!  
> Twitter: [ohmokawrites](https://twitter.com/ohmokawrites)  
> Tumblr: [ohmoka](https://ohmoka.tumblr.com/)


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